Mae Martin’s approach to romance is well documented. The Canada-born actor and comedian has explored the subject at great length in their standup sets, which are characterized by a unique brand of jittery and self-effacing honesty, and in their loosely autobiographical Netflix drama series Feel Good, which is characterized by its smoldering and anxious honesty. At their monthly shows at Los Angeles’s Largo Café—which feature, among other things, an ask-me-anything audience segment, an abundance of improv, and all manner of musical guests—they regale their audiences with tales of recent romantic escapades and mishaps.
Martin, who recently moved from London to LA and is currently working on the screenplay for an upcoming Netflix thriller series, and hosting a weekly podast, “Handsome,” with fellow comedian Tig Notaro, hasn’t found much time for dating of late. But Feeld—the storied dating platform known for its relationship-agnostic gender and sex positivity—has helped. The app, which the comedian has viewed as source of fun and adventure for years, is currently celebrating its 10 year anniversary with Martin on Mama Shelter’s Hollywood rooftop. Here, the comedian tells CULTURED their most chaotic first date memory, their biggest romantic red flags, and the three “horniest places in LA.”
CULTURED: Can you describe your dating philosophy?
Martin: When I'm single, I really enjoy dating. I will admit that I can be too activity-based. I'm a big fan of an escape room, an arcade, things like that. When it comes to first dates, I feel like you know pretty quickly. You don't want to get in a situation where you're going on a lot of 3rd and 4th dates, where you end up having 20 break mini-breakups. Be honest when you have a connection and pursue it, if not be really clear.
CULTURED: What was your most eye-opening romantic experience?
Martin: In my early thirties, I was living in London and dating a couple. That was my first experience with alternative relationship structures—I loved how they navigated the world. It was one of the healthiest romantic experiences of my life. They introduced me to Feeld. Those apps, you know, they can be so depressing, but it seemed like it had a sense of humor about itself. There’s more of a sense of fun and play on Feeld than any of the others.
CULTURED: I do want to ask you about this Escape Room date madness. What is your romantic escape room of choice, theme-wise?
Martin: You have to gauge your date's level of tolerance for terror and history and, there's some that are more puzzle-based. I like the ones with live actors. There's one that I did on a date, it was very ill-advised. My date was nervous and said, there are no actors in this, right? I didn't think that there were, and I asked the people who work there, I was like, are there actors? And they lied, so we were in there, and a man came in with a chainsaw, and this poor person that I was on the date with was just traumatized. But in a way, we trauma bonded and it was kind of a fun story.
CULTURED: Is there one date you've been on where you were like from top to bottom, this was utter chaos, in a memorable way?
Martin: I went to an Airbnb in Big Bear with someone I was dating. It's the middle of winter, snow everywhere. We get in the hot tub and the door locks behind us. We were in the mountains, and there was ice on the road. We had our phones and called the Airbnb host, and they said, we can get to you in about an hour. We huddled in the hot tub, in the freezing cold, until the chlorine bleached my black bathing suit orange. The guy finally came, but he forgot his key. He ended up taking the off the hinges. She broke up with me a week later. I don't think it was because of that, but it definitely didn't help.
CULTURED: What are one or two things in your approach to dating that have changed in the last year?
Martin: Well, let's go back to puberty. In the past few years, I started to prioritize kindness above a sense of humor. I think that's been crucial. Funny used to be number one on the list, but I've changed that now—I think I'm just getting older. Especially in your twenties, you go on dates with people and they're like, “I’m bad news.” I should have listened to them. You don't owe everyone a relationship, and that is hard to know.
CULTURED: Between London and Los Angeles, biggest dating experience differences?
Martin: I think that the stereotypes have some basis in truth. I'm North American, and I lived in England for 12 years. I forgot that people are way more forthcoming and vulnerable in North America. I missed that earnestness, because people are very ironic, more guarded, in England. Like, I'm interested in your star sign, does that mean I'm a vapid LA person? Dating in England, it's all so alcohol-based and grimy, with roll-up cigarettes and the teeth. It sounds like I hate it, but I love it, you know what I mean? It took me a long time to find my social niche there. When I did, I loved it because people were so hilarious. I feel like I hit the ground running more here—maybe that was just me, because I’d just had top surgery and I felt better. Another thing is that I think there's more group sex in LA purely because people are all just shocked to be in the same place. They're like, “I don't want to drive home.”
CULTURED: What are three spots, aside from these escape rooms—
Martin: What are my three horniest places in LA?
CULTURED: Exactly.
Martin: First, Button Mash—I like an arcade. Second, I did this immersive theater experience called the Willows. It was so horny for me. The actors were like taking me into rooms by myself. And third, I really like a small, dark bar. Thirsty Crow in Silver Lake is a fave.
