It may be cliché, but it’s no less true: mothers make the world go round. At whatever stage of motherhood, be it pregnancy, with young or full-grown children or even in the stages of hoping for a child one day, a mother’s love is second to none. As a working mom myself, I’m always curious as to how others manage to get it all done. So I asked six of my peers in the creative sphere about how they balance fantastic careers in fashion, design and art while being the matriarchs of their families.
Fashion designer and Alice + Olivia founder Stacey Bendet, photographer Sophie Elgort, chef and entrepreneur Camilla Marcus, Vogue Mexico editor-in-chief Karla Martinez, interior designer Brigette Romanek and New York Times bestselling author, television host and chef Daphne Oz took the time out of their busy lives to give some advice to young mothers, share their tricks for what to do when the going gets tough and reveal intimate stories of what the experience of motherhood means to them.
Sophie Elgort
Photographer and director Sophie Elgort is a New York City native whose work evokes authentic emotion and human connection while highlighting art, fashion and movement and has been featured in publications like Paper, Teen Vogue and Rolling Stone. She has worked with celebrities including Daveed Diggs, Brooke Shields, Kylie and Kendall Jenner and Rosario Dawson. Brands such as Alice + Olivia, Adidas, De Beers and Maybelline have commissioned her photographs and films, and her fine art work is represented by Staley-Wise Gallery.
Sarah Harrelson: As a successful woman in your field, what are the lessons you learned from your own mother that have enabled your success?
Sophie Elgort: My mother always let us find our own interests, but once we decided we wanted to do something, she taught us that we had to work hard at it and wouldn't let us quit even if things were challenging or weren't going our way. I grew up ski racing, which is such a difficult sport because there is only one winner of each race and the difference between first and second place (or winning and losing) was sometimes as small as .01 seconds. There were so many times that I was disappointed in myself or didn't want to spend my weekends away at races or my days training while so many of my friends were hanging out, but she made me keep going and that's something I've kept with me since.
SH: I am always curious about routines and rituals. Tell us about one ritual you do with your children that you have cherished over the years.
SE: If I don't have a shoot, I spend Fridays at home with the kids just us — take them for lunch at my dad's studio in SoHo (where I grew up going as a kid), swim lessons, walking around the city and sometimes out to dinner. I'll admit, it's my most challenging day of the week, but I cherish it.
SH: On the tough days, what do you do to remind yourself of the joys of motherhood?
SE: Put on music: there's nothing music can't make better. It can snap me out of a bad mood, as well as change the kids' moods. I have a running playlist on Spotify for Stella that I've added to since she was really little. Each time I introduce her to a new song that she likes, we put it on there. I'm proud of the broad range of music she loves!
SH: What advice would you give to a young or new mother?
SE: Everything is temporary. If you're going through a phase that is challenging, know that it's going to change into something else soon, so you know you can get through whatever comes.
SH: What do you have planned for this Mother’s Day to celebrate yourself?
SE: I actually am shooting on Mother's Day this year, so I've asked my husband and kids to come pick me up at the end of the shoot and take me to dinner nearby at the Standard Grill. I haven't been in ages, but they have the best chocolate mousse...
SH: What are the qualities you hope to instill in your kids?
SE: Kindness and empathy toward others. Putting themselves in other people's shoes and treating people like you would want to be treated.
SH: What is your dream Mother’s Day gift?
SE: My father makes my mother a photo collage every year for Mother's Day. It highlights the best photos of my mom and the family he's taken from that past year. These collages are framed all over my parents' house, starting the year I was born with new ones each year. I still stop and look at them every time. My husband started making me these collages when I became a mom and for me there's no better gift.
Stacey Bendet Eisner
American fashion designer Stacey Bendet founded fashion brand Alice + Olivia in 2002 and has since opened 38 stores in over 30 cities around the world, solidifying her standing as one of the most iconic contemporary designers of our time. The brand has grown into a full ready-to-wear collection as well as gowns, shoes, accessories and handbags. In addition to her successful career as a designer, Bendet also founded Creatively, a networking platform for the creative industry, as well as co-founded #ShareTheMicNow, which was created to amplify the voices of Black women.
SH: As a successful woman in your field, what are the lessons you learned from your own mother that have enabled your success?
Stacey Bendet Eisner: My mother is an amazing mother who would take a bullet for her kids; I always hoped to be as dedicated and supportive as a mom to mine. She didn’t work while I was growing up but that is also probably why I wanted to! My mother gave us confidence and emphasized the importance of a strong work ethic… all things that really helped me to become the woman I am today.
SH: I am always curious about routines and rituals. Tell us about one ritual you do with your children that you have cherished over the years.
SBE: I have tried for years to get my children to participate in my morning yoga ritual but thus far I have failed! One of the things I loved during the pandemic was that I could implement a standing mandatory family dinner at night. I would do little things like make everyone write a letter to a family member to get screen time. Currently, I make everyone read a Wall Street Journal article to get evening screen time! We spend every summer in Malibu, which is really special family time and throw an annual July 3 BBQ and host camp there.
SH: I am not convinced that balance can actually be achieved, but as a working mother, what are the tried-and-true strategies that have helped you juggle it all?
SBE: I have to laugh because it is true, we all talk about balance, but does it really exist? I feel like a rock star when I get my kids to school on time in the mornings! I think part of balancing motherhood and a career is redirecting and changing the responsibility norms and expecting more from dads! Both parents should share the home/school/parenting duties that exist. As moms we often take it ALL on… at that point balance is impossible; it requires spousal support and a total redefining of household duties!
SH: On the tough days, what do you do to remind yourself of the joys of motherhood?
SBE: I remind myself that every child is a miracle and that kids come 80 percent hardwired: you have 20 percent to mold and shape into the best versions of who they can and want to be!
SH: What advice would you give to a young or new mother?
SBE: You should parent not for the child you want but for the child you have.
SH: What do you have planned for this Mother’s Day to celebrate yourself?
SBE: This year I was invited on a girls overnight trip to miraval in lennox mass for some spa time!
SH: What is one thing you have learned about yourself in motherhood?
SBE: Motherhood has taught me that I am more emotional than I thought and more sensitive than I knew. Most importantly, I’ve found that I can love more than I could have ever imagined.
SH: What artworks by mothers or on motherhood have resonated with and inspired you?
SBE: Francesco Clemente’s Tree of Life painting is my favorite. It’s perhaps more life than motherhood but it is a humbling reminder or the larger world we are a part of.
SH: What are the qualities you hope to instill in your kids?
SBE: I hope to raise young women who are hard working, kind, ambitious and resilient. Gone are the days of raising girls to find a husband! I want to raise girls who are determined to be successful and proud of that determination!
SH: What is your dream Mother’s Day gift?
SBE: My dream gift would be a portrait of my little ladies!
Camilla Marcus
Camilla Marcus is a New York-based chef and restaurateur whose New York restaurant west~bourne, opened in 2018, was both socially-conscious and employee-first: it held to a zero-waste process, offered free childcare for staffers and donated a portion of proceeds to Robin Hood Foundation, which helps fight poverty. In 2020, Marcus joined the leadership team of Independent Restaurant Coalition in order to help save independent restaurants after Covid-19-related shutdowns.
SH: I am always curious about routines and rituals. Tell us about one ritual you do with your children that you have cherished over the years.
CM: Our mornings are pretty sacred to us. I wake up with my two dogs basically on top of me, so we have a very solid cuddle session before anything happens—it's as if they've waited all night for us to get up. We wake the kids up together and all have a milk party (mom and dad drink coffee alongside their morning milk) and collectively make breakfast. Our son loves to cook and be a part of making his meals, which of course makes my heart sing as a chef. We try to mix up what we cook every day and, most often, use ingredients right from our backyard garden. We also love visiting and singing “good morning” to our chickens. The morning slowness, joy, connectivity and presentness as a family just fuels my soul and sets each of us our way for the day with a grounding sense of wonder, gratitude, and appreciation.
SH: I am not convinced that balance can actually be achieved, but as a working mother, what are the tried-and-true strategies that have helped you juggle it all?
CM: To me, the challenge and beauty in life is that we are all on a constant quest; collective works in progress. There's no such thing as “perfect” or “balance,” and relinquishing those constructs—as even a remote possibility—feels liberating. Friction is what makes us human. For me, I find freedom and peace in embracing the many adventures found within the daily journey. Always putting one foot in front of the other in hopes that each step leads to growth and fulfillment. Oh, and an open sense of humor helps quite a bit, too.
Tactically, I do my best to strategically focus my days and cluster different kinds of modes, i.e. blocking mornings for calls and saving Fridays for creative experimentation. Being a working mother means being honest with yourself and transparent with others about what you're grappling with. It helps create space for vulnerability, empathy and a deeper understanding of the complexities that come with being a working, entrepreneur mom. I also try to be fiercely protective over family time, as well as time for myself to have fun, learn something new, or openly explore and travel. I’ve found that if I’m not my best, most aware and complete self, I can’t show up for anyone else in the ways I strive to.
SH: What advice would you give to a young or new mother?
CM: Take each day in strides and give yourself grace. Be as present in the moment, rather than project out into the future, or give into worrying about “what ifs." Each phase is fleeting with infinite potential for growth in each passing moment. Slow them down, embrace them and remain open.
SH: What is one thing you have learned about yourself in motherhood?
CM: Motherhood for me has been such an incredibly powerful, clarifying force. The transformation started when I was pregnant the first time: my priorities and perspective really shifted. I began to (and have continued) channel my energy and efforts only where it mattered, and decluttered things that were taking up space and not giving me something valuable and meaningful in return.
Sh: What are the qualities you hope to instill in your kids?
CM: Shane Parrish has an incredible message that I use as a north star and seek to nurture my children with: "Execution beats luck; Consistency beats intensity; Curiosity beats smart; Kind beats clever; Together beats alone."
SH: What is your dream Mother’s Day gift?
CM: Our new west~bourne avocado oil set, featuring a refined and organic extra virgin avocado oil, are as beautiful and delicious as they are sustainable.
Karla Martinez
Karla Martinez is the editor-in-chief of Vogue Mexico and Vogue Latin America. Prior, she worked at W magazine, as well as contributed to Elle, Interview and T Magazine. In 2010, Martinez was involved in “Project Paz,” a charity that fundraises to support young victims affected by drug-related violence in Mexico, which has helped 10,000 children across the country.
SH: As a successful woman in your field, what are the lessons you learned from your own mother that have enabled your success?
KM: My mom and I grew up so different culturally. She grew up in a small town in México and moved with my father to the United States after he was accepted to a residency program in Orlando. What I learned most from her is the importance of having a great partner and supporting each other personally and professionally. She always stressed the importance of being open to different situations that arise in life and taking them each day at a time. I think this has taught me to basically stay calm and carry on in a way.
SH: I am always curious about routines and rituals. Tell us about one ritual you do with your children that you have cherished over the years.
KM: We do reading time every night (aside from when I am traveling). I like to have one activity with each of them on their own, with Constanza it’s horseback riding and my other daughter hasn't found hers yet but we are working on it. I like to spend time on them one and one because one twin can be overbearing at times.
SH: I am not convinced that balance can actually be achieved, but as a working mother, what are the tried-and-true strategies that have helped you juggle it all?
KM: I think balance is hard—what has helped me is thinking quality vs quantity. My job requires me to travel and I also like to travel with my husband without my children. So when I am with them I try to be with them without distractions. I also think the one good thing that came out of COVID is flexibility to work from home on certain days.
SH: On the tough days, what do you do to remind yourself of the joys of motherhood?
KM: My favorite time to see them calm is when they just wake up in the morning—their puffy faces, their smell. It brings me calm and reminds me it's a new day!
SH: What advice would you give to a young or new mother?
KM: Don't forget about yourself or your husband. Take time to nurture yourself.
SH: What do you have planned for this Mother’s Day to celebrate yourself?
KM: Mother’s day in Mexico always is on May 10th—most companies give moms the day off. I would love to sleep in and maybe have a massage!
SH: What is one thing you have learned about yourself in motherhood?
KM: That I can be very affectionate! I am not much of a hugger but I love hugging my girls!
SH: What are the qualities you hope to instill in your kids?
KM: Kindness, compassion, empathy and tolerance.
SH: What is your dream Mother’s Day gift?
KM: I always dream of anything from Taffin.
Daphne Oz
Daphne Oz is food writer, chef and television host for the ABC daytime talk shows "The Chew" and now "The Good Dish." She is also a New York Times bestselling author having written cookbooks Eat Your Heart Out, The Happy Cook, Relish and The Dorm Room Diet.
SH: As a successful woman in your field, what are the lessons you learned from your own mother that have enabled your success?
DO: My mother gives the best advice, and I think it is because she is brilliant and a wonderful listener. She is deeply in tune with what people are saying and also what they aren’t saying. Learning how to listen well has been invaluable in all my relationships and career pursuits. My mother is also endlessly creative, fiercely loyal, a life-long student and genuinely the most fun! I feel very lucky to have grown up with her as a best friend and a mother—and so hope to have this kind of relationship with my own children!
SH: I am always curious about routines and rituals. Tell us about one ritual you do with your children that you have cherished over the years.
DO: The first that leapt into my brain are the (what feels like) hundreds of batches of Christmas cookies we make every year! It’s something we’ve always done as a family, and I have such vibrant memories as a kid of making the dough, cutting out shapes, the caramelized vanilla scent of them baking, decorating with carols playing in the background and, of course, endless dunks into warm tea with cream. I love making sure my kids will have the same traditions to treasure!
SH: I am not convinced that balance can actually be achieved, but as a working mother, what are the tried-and-true strategies that have helped you juggle it all?
DO: Write your next day to-do list with expected amounts of time it should take to tackle each task the night before and actually bracket the day so you have a realistic game plan. That way, you wake up with a strategy that guarantees you the dopamine hit of setting goals and accomplishing them. It has helped me feel so much more productive and effective, plus I sleep better when I’m not going through an endless loop of to-dos as I’m falling asleep! I also really try to soak up the joy in what I’m doing when I’m doing it. There are plenty of times each day where I wish I could clone myself and be two places at once, but the reality of that experience is unfortunately that you then can’t really enjoy what it is you’re doing. I try not to steal my own joy. I also try as much as possible to weed out the things that aren’t major yes moments for me. You may think it’s just a quick distraction or an easy thing to bang out, but the more energy and time you spend on things that aren't going to ultimately be your big wins, the harder it will be to find time to cultivate, refine and succeed where you know you really have potential. Saying no is scary until you think about all the opportunities it frees up to say yes to what really gets you where you want to be.
SH: What advice would you give to a young or new mother?
DO: You will miss it all. Even the exhausting, repetitive parts. It can feel tempting to rush from stage to stage, and the early months can sometimes feel like forever, but they fly away from you the fastest. Make sure you lock that new baby smell and first smiles and first babbling and sweet, sleepy snuggles away somewhere safe in your memory box.
SH: What do you have planned for this Mother’s Day to celebrate yourself?
DO: A workout! Coffee that is fresh! Hot pastries! Absolutely zero plans meaning no rush to get anywhere, just a lovely, easy day with my family. I might even take them to see a movie.
SH: What is one thing you have learned about yourself in motherhood?
DO: I’ve learned that each of my children requires a different type of mothering. I feel like with each additional kid, I’ve had to shed some old habits and take on new ones just to do what I can with 24 hours in the day. I find that ability to grow into different versions of my own motherhood and continue on with things that I love or that serve my family and leave behind things that don't (where I can!) is very liberating.
SH: What are the qualities you hope to instill in your kids?
DO: They are funny and so sweet all on their own! So I hope to help them continue to be endlessly curious, confident through hard work, deeply compassionate and excited to run at life full steam!
SH: What is your dream Mother’s Day gift?
DO: Homemade art work, beautiful flowers and maybe some alone time to read my book. And if you’re looking for a delicious gift for the mamas in your life, allow me to humbly recommend the new cookbook Eat Your Heart Out! All-fun, no-fuss food to celebrate eating clean — with 150 recipes free from gluten and refined sugar.
Brigette Romanek
Brigette Romanek opened Romanek Design Studio to create innovative and modern styles for interior spaces. She's a three-time Architectural Digest honoree, an Elle Decor A-List honoree and a First Digs top 50 honoree. In terms of interior design and consulting, she's at the top of her game.
SH: As a successful woman in your field, what are the lessons you learned from your own mother that have enabled your success?
BR: Be strong and don’t give up. Fall down 8 times but get up 9!
SH: I am always curious about routines and rituals. Tell us about one ritual you do with your children that you have cherished over the years.
BR: I love the holidays with my girls. I hope that never changes. Mother's Day is my favorite. The girls make me breakfast in bed, cards, gifts, and then a nice dinner. It’s been the same since they were little. It’s everything.. Honestly, I know it will change but i’m helpful! And I take them to school every morning. It’s a chance to connect and talk about the world and their lives. And sometimes just listen to music together.
SH: I am not convinced that balance can actually be achieved, but as a working mother, what are the tried-and-true strategies that have helped you juggle it all?
BR: You have to make time! You have to choose to do it. Otherwise it won’t happen. Set your mind and soul to closing down the business part of your brain and be in the moment with your family. My girls can tell when I'm not present with them. It’s true the saying, it’s the quality not the quantity. Set that time everyday. Set an amount of time that you know they need from you. And when you go back to work, you go with fresh eyes and thoughts and in a better mood. So it’s really good all around. As far as balance. It’s just not true. You’re work more, especially in the beginning. But I tell my girls, it’s for the family. They get it.
SH: What advice would you give to a young or new mother?
BR: This is the best and hardest job you’ll ever have. I wish people would tell you that as well as congratulations. That would have been valuable. . just as a mind set to be prepared as much as possible.
SH: What do you have planned for this Mother’s Day to celebrate yourself?
BR: Breakfast in bed, gifts, rest and a family dinner. Can’t wait.
SH: What is one thing you have learned about yourself in motherhood?
BR: I am capable of unconditional love
SH: What artworks by mothers or on motherhood have resonated with and inspired you?
BR: Klimt's Mother and child, Alice Neel Mother and Child, Fernando Betero Mother and child.
SH: What are the qualities you hope to instill in your kids?
BR: Resilience, kindness, community, common sense, strength and the ability to think for themselves, and lastly, always knowing who they are.
